A friend of mine is losing his battle with cancer.
This crappy disease has spread, the chemo has been halted and the doctors have declared it incurable.
I hate this news.
I met my friend....I shall call him George.....23 years ago in Germany and it's been a while since I saw him last but he's one of those people you just remember. He is kind, welcoming, sarcastic, funny and enjoys a good Pils; typical Brit.
He also skis, sails and uses the F word a lot. I adore beer drinking, sarcastic, skiing, cursing Brits......we became fast friends.
We reconnected on Facebook a couple years ago and now here we are.
And I hate that he is losing this battle.
But I love his honesty. His this-is-it-mother-fu*cker honesty. And I know George has fought hard.
He posted on Facebook this week that his fight was coming to an end.
My facebook reply wanted to say 'Oh HELL no Georgie Boy! You got this! Keep fighting! Never give up!
My facebook reply wanted to send him links of people who were on their death bed, who bounded back, who drank three gallons of Matcha Kumbacha and went on to climb Mount Everest.
George! Did you drink the Matcha Kumbacha? DRINK THE MATCHA KUMBACHA!!!!!
Last year I sat with another friend as she battled terminal cancer. It was a life changing, lovely, horrific, beautiful honor to be by her side. I also got to see what it was like to have a disease ravage your body. It is not pretty- it has no mercy. This amazing flesh and bone that serves us so well turns against; lungs fill with fluid instead of air, cells consume other cells, everything we trusted about our bodies proves to be false.
Cancer is ugly.
Last year when I left the hospital, I turned to my friend and said, "I will see you in a couple days."
She smiled and said, "I'm not so sure."
She knew. And maybe the best thing I could do was honor her wisdom, no matter how hard it was for both of us.
And so I did not tell my friend to keep fighting the good fight. I did not tell him what else to do.
Sometimes there is no solution. Sometimes all we can do is sit. We don't have to say it will be okay, we don't have to offer a solution.
And you know what? IT IS REALLY FREAKIN' HARD. It is to honor where someone is, right now, in their grief and anger. I am not good at it.....at all. I am the queen of let's find a fix. THERE MUST BE A FIX!
When Samantha passed, there were times that I didn't want to be told I would be okay, I didn't want to be told she was an angel in heaven, No one could fix where I had to be, they could just be with me.
George, I will not tell you to drink the Matcha Kumbacha. I will not remind you of it's healing qualities. I will not tell you to be positive.
I will tell you this sucks donkey butt. I will tell you many people in many places love you. And I will tell you that I know it is not enough.