tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6837005149974628822024-03-12T22:16:03.269-06:00Samantha's Mom- Life with love, and loss and me"Grief does not change you Hazel. It reveals you." John Green, The Fault in our StarsHeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.comBlogger531125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-71922502643860390612019-04-30T18:49:00.001-06:002019-04-30T18:49:44.733-06:00Trauma should be the hall pass to life's other issues. Someone should tell the hall monitor<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I posted something cryptic on Facebook Saturday. It caught a
lot of attention from my tribe but it really wasn’t a big deal….<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
nothing like seizures, mitochondrial strokes or premature
death. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I joke because I can. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because I have survived these things.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I watched the EEG of
my daughter explode. I have held hands in the PICU, I looked at tiny pink
casket, our tribe has buried our Littles before their time. I have gone toe to
toe with a PICU doc and won. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am a badass. I run with Badasses; I am proud of the strong
people who have held me up and who I have held. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And yet. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At times. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Silly life shit takes hold of me. Suffocating. Like that
stupid snake in the Jungle Book. It starts at my ankles, moves up my knees, my
tummy, constricts my heart and looks me straight in the eyes. Sings to me and
lulls me into a sense of doubt, confusion and negativity. <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Trust in me…..just in me….</i></b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hate it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because silly shit is not worth suffocating over. I buried
two babies and still managed to put my pants on and brush my teeth.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Silly shit is not worth
it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I think all of us who have suffered trauma deal with
this; cars cut us off, people are jerks, friends disappoint us, egos get in the
way, Facebook pisses us off. These are not life and death situations. But in my
mind, I expect the inconsequential to roll off my back and when it does not, it
rattles me more. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I could place a cath
in 10 seconds and I never gave it a thought. Why does this rattle me? <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Perhaps this is the evolving trauma process…..<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">what
do we do when real life makes us crazy</i></b>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After we put our pants on, brush our teeth, go to work,
cross the street….what happens next? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And really, I don’t post this as cause for alarm. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because cause for alarm is another issue. I sometimes feel us going through all of this are afraid to post our struggles, because we don't want to cause alarm. We are okay, really. We cry in ours cars, we get sad but we are here, really we want nothing more than to relish in joy and live our live.. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So a question for all of us integrating back into real life; what are your tools? What are
your tricks for dealing with the silly shit? I invite all ideas <span style="font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Happy Spring! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-80416815758796206382018-10-20T11:10:00.004-06:002018-10-20T11:10:54.909-06:00I've moved! <span style="font-size: x-large;">Please find me here! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">https://samsmom.blog/</span>HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-14049393438251650142018-10-04T19:03:00.000-06:002018-10-04T19:12:53.600-06:00I Was Born in the Rain on the Pontchartain<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBGtJi94dwa9Q4wiCHNc8ka5rAop0NC8vTaWZofDAGFfsT5OrLkSUJc4LEm85yClA76-3bBcI_EoL_RGkfFM-E_klm0J4yUfpb_VLf9I0Gr800JXl75gUbO7JN-RnJZ_WSqBRu663q458/s1600/stock-vector-hand-drawn-linear-laboratory-icons-vector-illustration-vintage-lab-set-science-objects-doodle-273761000.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1500" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBGtJi94dwa9Q4wiCHNc8ka5rAop0NC8vTaWZofDAGFfsT5OrLkSUJc4LEm85yClA76-3bBcI_EoL_RGkfFM-E_klm0J4yUfpb_VLf9I0Gr800JXl75gUbO7JN-RnJZ_WSqBRu663q458/s400/stock-vector-hand-drawn-linear-laboratory-icons-vector-illustration-vintage-lab-set-science-objects-doodle-273761000.jpg" width="375" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I found myself in San Antonio this week at the Mountain
States Regional Genetic Conference. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I love Scientists. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I swear. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Thank you for being awesome and amazingly smart and wanting
to change the world. I will continue to try and raise money for your efforts
because I know you hate that part; ya’ll just continue to try and save us. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Science brought us newborn screening.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Did you know that 1 in 300 newborns have a genetic condition
detectable through newborn screening? There are 31 newborn conditions, most
states screen for 29. All of these conditions are treatable if identified
early; some are fatal if not. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">And time is NOT on your side. Successful cases had to do
with an accessible lab, a committed medical team and an expedient relay of life
saving information. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Diseases of the mitochondria are not part of the 31 BUT in
2012 Pulse Oximetry became part of the screen and they would have caught
Sammers crazy O2 levels. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Who knows where we will be in six more years. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I heard many amazing stories the last couple of days.
Amazing, life changing, my baby-is here-because-of this-science stories. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I love these stories. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">But they are hard. I wanted us to be the life changing story.
But we are not. So in the middle of all of these amazing stories, I have to
remind myself not to be an asshole and pay attention and be grateful. Trust me,
its better for all of us. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Day one was a long day. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Long days must be celebrated with margaritas on the River
Walk. I sat next a lovely, slightly lippy Mom from New Orleans. We bonded
immediately and decided we must be related in some way. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">She talked about her Little and his diagnosis that was
achieved through newborn screening. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">‘He was born during Katrina,’ she said. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">‘My God.’ I said. ‘He was born in the rain on the
Pontchartrain.’ <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I realized what I said and that it could be taken as flippant.
<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">‘No disrespect.’ I said, ‘I love that song. But oh my hell,
you all are that family….in the hospital…. during the hurricane.’ <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Since we are certainly related in some way, she took no
offense but we talked about these issues, when time is of the essence and great
big freakin’ Katrina rears her ugly head. Or even when Katrina doesn’t rear her
big head but when you live 300 miles from a lab, your baby is born on a Friday
and the lab is closed over the weekend.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">1 in 300 babies. Newborn screening is the most successful
health initiative in the nation. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">And it could still be better. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">These last two days were amazing. As they always are when I’m
with my people and can talk about our history freely. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Perhaps many of us were <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">born
in the rain on the Pontchartain</i><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Underneath the Louisiana
moon<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Don’t mind the rain of
a hurricane<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">They come around every
June<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">High black water, the
devils daughter<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">She’s hard, she’s cold
and she’s mean<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">But nobody taught her,
it takes a lot of water<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">To wash away New
Orleans</span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<em><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: x-large;">- Band of Heathens</span></em></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
</div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-26125783564990707852018-09-21T15:14:00.002-06:002018-09-21T15:14:54.153-06:00A Little Light :) By Angela
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What a great way to end our week. Thank you Angela! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A Little Light<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There have
been so many topics I have considered writing about during this Mitochondria
Awareness Week, then out of the blue on a busy evening here at our little farm
came a call or should I say missed call.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Now when you receive a phone call from your son’s Mito specialist from
his cell phone after clinic hours a million things race through your mind and
not many of them are good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, when I
hear the voicemail to please call back as soon as possible I got butterflies in
my stomach.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not the good kind when you
are excited or giddy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The kind when your
nerves are on high alert and you kind of want to just throw up. Unfortunately,
when you are a mito parent you know this feeling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There have been many times when I have been
nauseous with anticipation of what a doctor, specialist, or therapist was about
to say. I have literally never had an afterhours call that has been positive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I immediately called back and was welcomed by some
positive and exciting news!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, our
amazing Mito team at Children’s hospital has been working on some treatment
with blood and getting really promising results.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are trying to get a grant to further
their research and need two patients’ blood to treat and submit the results.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our Dr was calling to see if we would be
willing to donate Cal’s blood because they thought they would have a great
chance to show positive results with Calvin’s in particular. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Yes, I know it’s not a cure or even a treatment but
it is a little light.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This disease can
be very dark and there are many lows so when you get a light you take it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It may seem very minor to most people but
mito parents hold on to the little lights and moments of positivity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can all appreciate the small movement of
progress and hope for a snowball effect, for the science to some day take off
like wildfire. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 12pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>When you are told when your child is about two years
old that you should take him home and love him as it is not real likely he will
live past three years old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were also
told by doctors we’re very sorry but there was not treatment and it was not
foreseen that would ever be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now during
the Mitochondria Awareness Week there is light and hope!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Calvin has already been involved in one FDA
trial for a medication for mito and now his blood will help continue research
toward more treatment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So love what your
mitochondria do for you and we will continue to love and celebrate the progress
and hard work that our team of doctors does for Calvin’s mitochondria.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-90075453179116476562018-09-19T18:20:00.000-06:002018-09-19T18:20:20.869-06:00Mito Awareness Week- Dreams
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">You may say I’m a Dreamer. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I had many dreams before mitochondrial disease. They were
not extravagant. Or Outrageous. Sure, an Oscar nomination would have been
lovely, or a Pulitzer prize, Olympic gold in the downhill….<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I did have one, seemingly achievable dream. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I have always wanted to be a mom. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Many things in life are a mystery to me but I know I would
have rocked motherhood. I have a collection of cheesy mom jokes, an endless
supply of saliva to lick on a napkin and wipe on a forehead, and a series of
Neil Diamond songs ready to be sung on cue. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">My dreams are not extravagant. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">And somehow they became impossible. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Its hard not to despise that POLG-1 mutation that took my
babies. It’s hard not to hate the genetic makeup of who I am. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I could tell you it’s all for the best. That my babies were really
sick. And you could tell me I’m full of shit and I would kiss you for your
moxie and honesty. But it pains me to tell you my story- it pains me that my
story makes you sad. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">My burden of truth requires a donkey and an alpaca. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">And despite the fact that alpaca’s are really cute, I don’t
want to be sad and heartbreaking.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">My brother, developed a foot drop ten years ago. Turns out
he has the same POLG-1 mutation and now has a full-blown mitochondrial disease.
<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">He also has mad mogul skills and has given me a passel of
super fun nephews. His life is so very much more than what started as a foot
drop. And he has dreams beyond. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">We all had dreams before this asshole disease. This asshole
disease now requires us to rethink our dreams or live a life a life thinking of
what should have been. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I try not to should all over me. Should’s are messy, runny
and they stain a good life. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I am fortunately surrounded by passionate non-shouldders who
made me dream beyond this disease. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">We CAN develop a community in this area. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">And dream of a mitochondrial clinic in Colorado; our
mitochondrial clinic that recently won an NIH grant to study the CARS
deviation- Jacob’s genetic deviation. A clinic that received another large
grant to study the efficacy of an MS drug and POL-G1 deviations<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">A clinic that hosts trial of a drug called Elamepretide. A drug
whose sole responsibility is to smooth the membrane of the mitochondria to make
exchange of energy from one cell to another easier.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">A clinic that just became part of the Mitochondrial Network
of Care- one of 22 sites in the country. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">A clinic that was made sustainable because of a little bike
team that recently raised $138,000 through the Courage Classic and a total of
$775,000 in eight years. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I will never fight with my daughter. I will never tell her
that her outfit is completely inappropriate. I will never braid her hair. Cheer
a soccer goal. And alas, I will never smell the sweet scent of her darling baby
head. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">This asshole disease took that from me. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">But you have let me dream again. You have let me be more. You
have let us be more. And you have created hope. This is our life. We get one.
Thank you for giving us hope. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">You may say we are dreamers<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">But we’re not the only ones<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-16613023116278283792018-09-16T19:12:00.000-06:002018-09-16T19:12:06.100-06:00JOY! And mitochondrial awareness week :) It is Mitochondrial Awareness Week. <br />
<br />
Are you ready? <br />
<br />
Are you ready for the onslaught of your friends posting about this crazy disease you have never heard of or maybe heard of in a bio class your sophomore but fell asleep to because it was so boring???<br />
<br />
That is this week <br />
<br />
We post because we have lost children, we have lost loves, we have lost futures, we have lost strength. We have cried, raged, cursed, begged, borrowed.......<br />
<br />
But there is more to that. <br />
<br />
We post because we are community. We are not alone. We have hope. <br />
<br />
And without hope we are nothing. <br />
<br />
Yesterday I went to a wedding of our Mito Mama Angela, her new husband and their mito warrior, Sweet Cal. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJR1fiK7ZTBjHlgxNgkyQa2vfVApCf_3wygbZc2POWZccroHPjY1HNLASgb701BXXvcrmqAXHhcN2Ak4UuSnwbp0nL5o68M3YpswWaHeLt1G-ifORrRPdObh0hhQjWeC4Nl6F74mIAGVY/s1600/Cal2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="383" data-original-width="508" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJR1fiK7ZTBjHlgxNgkyQa2vfVApCf_3wygbZc2POWZccroHPjY1HNLASgb701BXXvcrmqAXHhcN2Ak4UuSnwbp0nL5o68M3YpswWaHeLt1G-ifORrRPdObh0hhQjWeC4Nl6F74mIAGVY/s320/Cal2.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Cal and I approve of the union. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I was a lovely wedding but so much more than that. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
This disease tears people apart. It ruins lives. It ruins families. It takes joy, stomps on it, spits a giant loogie and walks away. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Mitochondrial Disease is an asshole. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
But we are more. We are so much more. We are hope. We are strength. We are community. We are loud. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6PxKjzUV35DdDoR1t1cc_TumgsuJANvHGjaiVmgSE7f6FRwujjBriUN1fR91ypZmpK08CNHx5iy3bAhMS3bW750Gw2dNvwg4grR81JPe4thGT2T7t8wwIxp3-vNjFcrwhf4a-ksE2vKI/s1600/Cal4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="230" data-original-width="509" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6PxKjzUV35DdDoR1t1cc_TumgsuJANvHGjaiVmgSE7f6FRwujjBriUN1fR91ypZmpK08CNHx5iy3bAhMS3bW750Gw2dNvwg4grR81JPe4thGT2T7t8wwIxp3-vNjFcrwhf4a-ksE2vKI/s400/Cal4.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
And in spite of all the obstacles, there is still so much joy to be found </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" data-original-height="437" data-original-width="426" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs6n7COR7JvgaBHTwOJ7Iao2TFUOnPLmwqBgMjohTEX7OHSDYYfaIZB60OJh59Mu7Ha8h80jaxDo44NVVZZV8CG6lw8LbHOXGu1Dirq3QFGuifFObNXXA8GOzPT2TdcMc0AzeAjOtpHxk/s320/cal3.JPG" width="311" /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Ya'll make me proud. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
And joyous. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Thank you. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-5330010193384677022018-08-31T19:21:00.000-06:002018-08-31T19:21:13.692-06:00Joy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-emcQCMUJcbI_pnqd9qdGnB1LaBzQkibtZLgVW5b5f2kcFMekaT3XZh7woCaGDwI9UZog5gUo_t4UDXDP4eOQvxCEJmnfsEGlJILlllhXpvDF6rtelgspNpwCxcglR1AKtNhOrQSXv4E/s1600/joy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="447" data-original-width="604" height="472" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-emcQCMUJcbI_pnqd9qdGnB1LaBzQkibtZLgVW5b5f2kcFMekaT3XZh7woCaGDwI9UZog5gUo_t4UDXDP4eOQvxCEJmnfsEGlJILlllhXpvDF6rtelgspNpwCxcglR1AKtNhOrQSXv4E/s640/joy.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">My Bestie Ginger took this photo of me after the Courage Classic. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I am lying on the asphalt because my legs were super-mad at me, I was tired, slightly delirious. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But I was something else. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">So stinkin' joyful I could hardly talk. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Seriously. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">There. Are. No. Words. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And I'll tell you why. I'll tell you what you all have done this year. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">1. Supported a clinic that made us the recipient of a $50,000 NIH grant</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">2. Brought another major donor into our folds to the tune of $40,000</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">3. Made us a Mitochondrial Network of Care. The only center in the Rocky Mountain Region</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">4. Raised $138,000 during the Courage Classic for YOUR mitochondrial clinic in Colorado</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">5. And finally, your advocacy brought the attention of my amazing company who donated $750,000 to the mental health clinic at Children's Colorado</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Ya'll are too much! Too much! How much amazing news can one woman contain? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I will tell you this.....I was about to explode that weekend from so much good. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">That picture above, the result of a joy bomb. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">So what happens now? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I'll tell you what happens, the rubber meets the road my friends! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">1. Our NIH grant goes to study the CARS gene and supplementation of a certain amino acid- all for mito research</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">2. Our generous donor is funding a study of POLG1 and the efficacy of a drug currently used for MS- all for mito research</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">3. Our Network of Care enables us to approach the hospital with a need for social workers dedicated to mitochondrial disease, collaborate with other doctors and further support for visits to the mitochondrial clinic</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">4. $138,000 will fund additional research, Ubiquinol supplementation, and keep our mito lab up and running</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">5. $750,000 will help those Littles in our community who are suffering. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I hope it will help them find joy.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">You all bring me joy. You are better than a rainbow colored puppy riding on a Pegasus unicorn. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And that's pretty stinkin' good. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<br />
HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-43933466432919626552018-07-25T22:33:00.001-06:002018-07-25T22:33:30.233-06:00This Shark, Swallow you whole<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU8P9z8ItrV9sqsvHwJkttE5rmvmf6uB1bc9TfTiqCKnwTU2poBUAA3Xx2K-yw3cqLIkvL98VDl48iDuA5p8XhHYP-l6w7uBeQUkQCk2WE6MSPntagQVQ5tFYkDZLGeuat8zWYrIGn88o/s1600/P1110101.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1123" data-original-width="1600" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU8P9z8ItrV9sqsvHwJkttE5rmvmf6uB1bc9TfTiqCKnwTU2poBUAA3Xx2K-yw3cqLIkvL98VDl48iDuA5p8XhHYP-l6w7uBeQUkQCk2WE6MSPntagQVQ5tFYkDZLGeuat8zWYrIGn88o/s320/P1110101.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">This photo was from my 40th birthday- six months after we lost Samantha. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">A friend quoted it perfectly, "And then Heather opened her mouth, took all of her friends and swallowed them whole." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And I would have. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Because I was so empty. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Oh yes dear friends, swallowed you whole. Anaconda ain't got none...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But that was 8 years ago. Eight years ago when Missy Moo left us. Eight years ago today. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I still pose with an open mouth</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK5HvoQz5BQZMfX8ewXgPOZ92b54toBg0Is7VbmApK92ol31VaKoVjl7Ep44P9WStszKFo8DDHxkRNeZUjFd2nfTzy37r8glcFES6WKzkeMgyGUJynTdwxzfAQAb9mqkKgCuyJdO2lX00/s1600/mouth+4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="328" data-original-width="356" height="294" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK5HvoQz5BQZMfX8ewXgPOZ92b54toBg0Is7VbmApK92ol31VaKoVjl7Ep44P9WStszKFo8DDHxkRNeZUjFd2nfTzy37r8glcFES6WKzkeMgyGUJynTdwxzfAQAb9mqkKgCuyJdO2lX00/s320/mouth+4.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioRj_ki9lTs46ofwHOAijzuUhrjcSUQsca0b9QNeqBMSBDZPv8BLFmjf_ELmPlshZxHQyUH3emW-OfRKEK1FLdn_1nQC88uJpiZKKVZ0sNh9jUSRuZjotbZWYnzXKGqW9gwv5P1BpN0Kg/s1600/mouth+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></a> </div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOxTiJTxa3u9CJt_9erDp6CM4PEo-rMweQrB6w8y6aQVVMaq4EdEHdMRB7Xbrui4_VHgrc3Cnd-XYR5uBPRkhjv000WnnprF18VFhhL6vVsRfi05LxpJmzysf9HwNSWaSjtGqeFMCkemw/s1600/mouth+10.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="499" data-original-width="442" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOxTiJTxa3u9CJt_9erDp6CM4PEo-rMweQrB6w8y6aQVVMaq4EdEHdMRB7Xbrui4_VHgrc3Cnd-XYR5uBPRkhjv000WnnprF18VFhhL6vVsRfi05LxpJmzysf9HwNSWaSjtGqeFMCkemw/s320/mouth+10.JPG" width="283" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwVV5NlXr3mXJRnYE2Cyr3euhSQgId6Dls9hExLngho5qLlKErVaM_fkWQxQUzU_9Z7nXRb1V6jEc7nU6pO-24bVAKCyRAU1hO1Daxf-J4MrJWt7yl8Ayp5eVrZs6SCwsHOPR4aBzg314/s1600/mouth7.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="322" data-original-width="486" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwVV5NlXr3mXJRnYE2Cyr3euhSQgId6Dls9hExLngho5qLlKErVaM_fkWQxQUzU_9Z7nXRb1V6jEc7nU6pO-24bVAKCyRAU1hO1Daxf-J4MrJWt7yl8Ayp5eVrZs6SCwsHOPR4aBzg314/s320/mouth7.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5ojmCgS8E-xUFb5o4OvriGSHZ9rOTCbccg9ZlpcXdDps5_iDe_S26K5_0cnDbXKSpPElvrakiBpD3h0ybHJyUinXRplKn1HG6Y_QHdaJQvcpi6hoK7El0hVifbtbgDyeHkNZDv-v2uus/s1600/mouth+11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="339" data-original-width="505" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5ojmCgS8E-xUFb5o4OvriGSHZ9rOTCbccg9ZlpcXdDps5_iDe_S26K5_0cnDbXKSpPElvrakiBpD3h0ybHJyUinXRplKn1HG6Y_QHdaJQvcpi6hoK7El0hVifbtbgDyeHkNZDv-v2uus/s320/mouth+11.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Even in the final photo.....in front of hundreds of people accepting a great big check...</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Mouth</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Wide </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Open</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Eight years later, would I still swallow you whole? Nah, I think you might be a tad chewy. Dare I say too spicy? </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But more importantly, I don't need to anymore. The hunger to replace a famine in my soul has subsided, the want, desire, the miss, it is no longer so gut wrenching and desperate. Eight years later. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">You all have helped me to fill that void and for that I am forever grateful. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">So despite the perpetual open mouth, I no longer need to devour you. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Perhaps a nibble.</span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
</div>
HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-324457912451467652018-07-08T22:06:00.002-06:002018-07-08T22:08:30.977-06:00Hope is Being Able to See that there is Light- Despite all of the Darkness- Desmond Tutu<br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">A mitochondrial
diagnosis is dark. And lonely. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Here is where
your donation will go to provide some hope and light. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Every 15
minutes a child is diagnosed with a mitochondrial deviation that will manifest
by age ten. Since mitochondria generate energy within muscle and organ cells,
clinical problems such as seizures, heart and liver issues, vision and hearing
loss, muscle weakness, migraines, and developmental delays are prevalent. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Because
of the complexity of the disease and the difficulty in getting an accurate
diagnosis, mitochondrial disease is considered rare and is grossly underfunded.
In 2012, our clinic at the hospital was at risk of closing its doors. The funds
raised by our team enabled the clinic to remain open and continue to employ its
researchers. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
<o:p></o:p>
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">It is
because of this team and their amazing efforts that we have a research presence
in Colorado. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
<o:p></o:p>
</span><br />
<div style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">- <strong>2013</strong> we purchased a
diagnostic piece of equipment for the lab called an Oxygraph. The Oxygraph
measures oxygen exchange from one cell to another and can analyze where the
breakdown in energy exchange happens. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><strong></strong></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong>2014</strong> we contributed funds
so that our neurologist could input needed data to make Children’s a part of
NAMDEC – the North American Mitochondrial Disease Consortium. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
<o:p></o:p>
</span><br />
<div style="margin-left: 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">- This
contribution made it possible for Dr. Austin Larson to come to Children’s
through a NAMDEC grant. He joined us as a fellow and is staying on as an
Attendee focused on Mitochondrial research, treatment and clinical testing. Dr.
Larson spoke and met with families this year at the UMDF conference- we are
very excited to have him on board. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">- <strong><!--[endif]-->2015:</strong> We continue to support the
clinic and bring on another research assistant<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><strong>2016:</strong> We sponsor a
grant between Dr. Larson and Dr. Green to fund a research project looking at
the link between mitochondrial deviations and type one diabetes. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
<o:p></o:p>
</span><br />
<div style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">- <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><strong>2017:</strong> We have a
protocol approved by Children’s Hospital to study mitochondrial disorders
specifically in Colorado<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin-left: 0.25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Stealth Biopharmaceuticals announces that Children’s Colorado will
be a trial site for a new mitochondrial drug Elamepretide. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This trial was only granted because of our
ability to show sustainable, financial support to the clinic- all through
Summits for Samantha. 33 sites were chosen internationally<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">And in <strong>2018</strong>….
Children’s Colorado became part of the Mitochondrial Network of Care; one of 23
national sites. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin-left: 0.25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Our researcher was awarded an NIH grant to advance her work. The
Oxygraph we purchased was instrumental to her research. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin-left: 0.25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">We will see our first clinical trial patients in July<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div style="margin-left: 0.25in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">We continue to provide supplements, support and family grants to
our mitochondrial community<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">What will
next year bring???? <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">All because
of you. <o:p></o:p></span></span>HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-62938366051754766212018-06-18T23:03:00.001-06:002018-06-18T23:06:03.050-06:00I would break the law for my child<span style="font-size: x-large;">Nothing like an international crisis to get me writing again. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I've been in a terrible mood. I should probably unplug, stop engaging with those not in my camp, get a pedi..... But nothing like Fathers Day coupled with a side of mass family separation in the news to send me in tailspin. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Okay, tailspin is a slight exaggeration, more of a little hiccup. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But as I accidently got engaged in a argument with someone who lovingly called these Littles at the boarder <strong><em>'Spawn of Derelicts'</em></strong> , I realized we got some haters running around. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">My rational mind screams, <strong><em>do not engage! do not engage!</em></strong> But all the sudden I think I'm Luke Skywalker bulls-eyeing womp rats in my T-16 and I fire. And I am engaged. Shit. It's me and Darth Vader. Or according to some<strong><em>, I'm</em></strong> Darth Vader</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Here is what I do know from my own broken, life-long-separated-from-my-own-Littles head.....</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">We cannot use our children as pawns. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">We cannot use our children as pawns.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">We cannot. We cannot. We cannot. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">This emotion we are toying with is so primal, so instinctual- nothing is more violating to our core than separating us from our Littles. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Put them in an air conditioned facility. Feed them peanut butter and jelly. Put them in front of a nonstop reel playing SpongeBob Squarepants and give them some crayons. Tell yourself you are doing the right thing. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And then go home and smell your child's head. Inhale that primal scent that goes back to the very first time you smelled that sweet head. My god.....nothing smells more pure. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Imagine someone taking that sweet scent away from you. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">What would you do? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Is the thought unimaginable? Because it should be. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">When Samantha was a babe I '<em><strong>smuggled'</strong></em> a non FDA seizure drug into the US from Canada. This drug stopped her hypsarythmia and her constant seizing. One evening UPS didn't deliver it on time and I drove four hours to pick it up right before the fulfillment center closed for the weekend. I made it five minutes before they closed. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I sat in my car with this precious medicine in hand and sobbed. Sobbed because I made it. Sobbed because my daughter needed this med that we could not get in the states. Sobbed because we were so very vulnerable and at the mercy of so many others. Sobbed because I would have knocked the door down had it been locked. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">We are wired to fight like hell for our kids. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Yes. Polices need to be changed, both sides need to come to the table. But in the meantime, do not underestimate the irreversible harm we are doing to parent and child. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Smell that head. Tickle those feet. We only want what is best for our Littles.</span> <br />
<br />
<br />HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-21594125104484210122018-03-25T18:36:00.003-06:002018-03-25T18:36:54.211-06:00It's the Only Place I Have to Live In<span style="font-size: x-large;">I have created my own physical activity trifecta. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">My very own hat trick: </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">The Bike</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">The Swim </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">The Orange Theory </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I KNOW! It's so very trendy right now. It's the cult of the Orange Theory and I have to say they got me. They got me by my expanding biceps. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Seriously, I now have biceps. I came home the other day and flexed my arm in front of Hubs. And he said <em>"Well look at that. I see a muscle." </em></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">My body is far from perfect. I have a knee that hates me, my very own neuro-muscular condition that has me on meds and other issues that any 47 year old fights. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But it is mine. And it works. And when I think of the many things I am grateful for in this world, this flawed, functioning body of mine is one. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Yesterday at Orange Theory, I climbed up on the bike (because I can't run on the treadmill....silly knee) and I stared back at myself as I started to pedal. We are gearing up for our silent auction and my Mito Peeps are on my mind. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I thought of Sammers, my brother, our kiddos, our adults.....our people whose bodies can't work like they should. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">This body is all I have. It's all any of us have. Be so grateful it gets you out of bed, walks you to the bathroom, gets you to work......climbs you on a bike at Orange Theory. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I am now twenty minutes into my workout, super slimy with sweat, my heart rate has gone beyond the orange zone to the red and I think I might just be a tad pukey. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And I love it. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I love this beating heart. I love that I smell like a high school gym locker. I love that this body works. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">This old lady, wonky knee, can't-sneeze-without peeing myself body. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">In less than two weeks we will break bread and pour a glass of grape in honor and in memory of our Loves whose bodies are starved for energy- whose bodies want to be more; Our Mitochondrial Community. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Join us on the 7th. If for the only reason that your body is good place to live. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I'll even flex a muscle :) </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<a href="http://www.miraclesformito.org/fundraiser2018"><span style="font-size: x-large;">http://www.miraclesformito.org/fundraiser2018</span></a><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-6798922341282720252018-03-06T20:46:00.001-07:002018-03-06T20:46:11.341-07:00I Got No Roots<span style="font-size: x-large;">I came up with the idea for this post when on nitrous oxide. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">So please forgive me if its random....ha! Like my posts aren't. For the record, nitrous oxide is kind of awesome as a controlled substance. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">No Whippets. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I do not like going to the dentist. At all. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I think it started with several wisdom teeth extractions during my teenage years by a man named Dr. Maul. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">20 shots of Novocain, I was numb enough to pull those suckers out.....with resistance. Do you know how long those wisdom teeth roots are? They connect to your thigh bone and never let go. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Never go to a doctor with the last name Maul. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><a class="irc_mutl i3597 i6wJ0I16K75s-dTEICwVRfZc" data-ctbtn="2" data-cthref="/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjaqN-OpdnZAhVLlFQKHX4QApsQjRx6BAgAEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rue-morgue.com%2Ftag%2Flittle-shop-of-horrors%2F&psig=AOvVaw1LtrypfyTPuGpTC5U95NtB&ust=1520479490227839" data-noload="" data-ved="2ahUKEwjaqN-OpdnZAhVLlFQKHX4QApsQjRx6BAgAEAU" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjaqN-OpdnZAhVLlFQKHX4QApsQjRx6BAgAEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rue-morgue.com%2Ftag%2Flittle-shop-of-horrors%2F&psig=AOvVaw1LtrypfyTPuGpTC5U95NtB&ust=1520479490227839" jsaction="mousedown:irc.rl;keydown:irc.rlk" rel="noopener" style="top: 20px;" tabindex="0" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img alt="Image result for little shop of horrors dentist" class="irc_mut i6wJ0I16K75s-HwpH6ZlgJaI" height="261" src="data:image/jpeg;base64,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" style="margin-top: 46px;" width="459" /></span></a><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Promise me. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">The Samantha years brought tooth neglect...years of it. I didn't have the time, I had Dr. Maul nightmares and here is the thing about going to the dentist......you walk in and your teeth feel okay. You walk out and your teeth hurt. I had no time for self induced hurt. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">After Samantha, I asked one person for a dentist referral. Note to self.....when looking for a referral, ask more than one person. I ended up with Huey Lewis and the News. I kid you not. He knew every 1980's song, He had every teeth whitening kit ever made. His purple rayon blazers were super rad but after my third re-do on a root canal we had to break up. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">It was 2011.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">WHY WAS THIS SO HARD!!!!???? I wondered as my teeth slowly rotted out of my head.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Vulnerable. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Nothing makes me feel more vulnerable than a dentist. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<a data-cthref="/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjA3MfeodnZAhXqilQKHZ81ATIQjRx6BAgAEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DxjRcgx6gSdE&psig=AOvVaw1LtrypfyTPuGpTC5U95NtB&ust=1520479490227839" data-ved="2ahUKEwjA3MfeodnZAhXqilQKHZ81ATIQjRx6BAgAEAU" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjA3MfeodnZAhXqilQKHZ81ATIQjRx6BAgAEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DxjRcgx6gSdE&psig=AOvVaw1LtrypfyTPuGpTC5U95NtB&ust=1520479490227839" id="irc_mil" jsaction="mousedown:irc.rl;keydown:irc.rlk;irc.il;" style="border-image: none; border: 0px currentColor;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img alt="Image result for little shop of horrors dentist" height="344" id="irc_mi" src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/xjRcgx6gSdE/hqdefault.jpg" style="margin-top: 5px;" width="459" /></span></a><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I'm not sure why....</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<a class="_hes rg_l" href="https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fhygienebydesign.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2013%2F08%2FSay-Ahhh.jpg&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fhygienebydesign.com%2F2013%2F08%2F07%2Fhow-do-you-say-ahhhh%2F&docid=s18_NtYcB0tcPM&tbnid=J47HrKrVpUHutM%3A&vet=1&w=500&h=313&hl=en&bih=601&biw=1005&ved=2ahUKEwjA3MfeodnZAhXqilQKHZ81ATIQxiAoBXoECAAQFg&iact=c&ictx=1"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img alt="Related image" class="irc_rii" height="250" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSIBYff05YffoSXPq3q9ztNBvzNIRLYB7WVeZBf5wc4hJXkg3Yh" style="margin-left: -24px;" width="400" /></span></a><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">This afternoon I finished my <strong>third</strong> root canal.....I got no roots. But now I do have a really good dentist who sat next to me before the procedure, held my hand and said, 'what would give me an 'A' today?' </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And I said 'No pain.' </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">So he strapped on the nitrous oxide (for me, not him), he gave me some headphones and I listened to my new obsession, Hamilton.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">The below was not the situation, but I find it funny :) </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><a data-cthref="/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjA3MfeodnZAhXqilQKHZ81ATIQjRx6BAgAEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fkevinpetrie.wordpress.com%2F2013%2F06%2F26%2Fhaving-a-gas-at-the-dentist%2F&psig=AOvVaw1LtrypfyTPuGpTC5U95NtB&ust=1520479490227839" data-ved="2ahUKEwjA3MfeodnZAhXqilQKHZ81ATIQjRx6BAgAEAU" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjA3MfeodnZAhXqilQKHZ81ATIQjRx6BAgAEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fkevinpetrie.wordpress.com%2F2013%2F06%2F26%2Fhaving-a-gas-at-the-dentist%2F&psig=AOvVaw1LtrypfyTPuGpTC5U95NtB&ust=1520479490227839" id="irc_mil" jsaction="mousedown:irc.rl;keydown:irc.rlk;irc.il;" style="border-image: none; border: 0px currentColor;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img alt="Related image" height="216" id="irc_mi" src="https://kevinpetrie.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/littleshopofhorrors_stevemartindds_02_youtube1.jpg" style="margin-top: 69px;" width="459" /></span></a><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">What is my point??? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I have none. Did I mention I was on nitrous oxide when I thought this would be a great blog post? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Okay....maybe here it is. Take care of your teeth. That little molar in the back was a part of me for 47 years and in five minutes he was ground down to a stub, never to be heard from again. Adios little tooth. Thanks for hangin' in there. I'm sorry I couldn't do you better. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Second? It's okay to say when you feel super vulnerable and need some help. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Third? Never go to a Dr. Maul.</span> HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-12337377700230852742018-02-26T22:50:00.003-07:002018-02-26T22:50:59.101-07:00My Brain Loves Me<span style="font-size: x-large;">It's true. My brain loves me. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And at its very core, the responsibility of my brain is to keep me alive. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I try to distract it by remembering the words to every single Neil Diamond song. But my brain has more important things to do. It keeps my heart beating, my pancreas processing glucose, my eyes seeing the word, my temp at a 98.5.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">My brain loves me. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">It also loves routine and muscle memory. My brain tells my foot to step on the brake when it sees a red light. In my sleepy state, my brain tells my index finger where the snooze button is. It tells my voice to say hello when answering a phone. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">47 years of this life, my brain and I are pretty connected. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I like to think of how my brain would react when tested. How it would process the perfect snarky comment, the best response in a meeting, the perfect reaction when being flipped off on I-25. But so many times this brain I love and that loves me lets me down. Maybe it's caught off guard; it didn't anticipate a middle finger in the exit lane or that really tough question in a meeting. My brain likes routine. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">There is nothing routine about a traumatic situation. Our brain hates it. The amygdala hijacks all rational thought. We search for something routine, something we can relate to; in a traumatic situation, there is nothing. Our brain, whose purpose is to love us and keep that heart beating, makes decisions we would not usually make, we rage, we puke, we freeze, we faint. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Our brave, our first responders, our doctors, nurses, our military, spend their lives training to respond in these very worst situations. And sometimes even their brain has no place for a trauma. With Samantha, our interactions with medical teams involved input from us. Their brain needed a place to process and trauma offers no chance to process. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">My point....and I do have one.....is that if your brain is lucky enough to <strong>not</strong> have a history of processing trauma, assuming heroic actions from your brain that loves you and just wants to protect you is silly. And disrespectful to your brain....your brain that loves you so.</span> <br />
<br />
HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-69360545867561150852018-02-15T23:16:00.000-07:002018-02-15T23:17:52.754-07:00It sucks to lose a child<span style="font-size: x-large;">I have so much to do tonight.....so many productive, society enhancing projects and instead I found myself in a gun debate. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">F$CK! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I gotta tell you, these shootings make me crazy; sad, mad, frustrated. And I keep thinking.....just walk away. Walk away. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But I can't. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I fought so hard for a life. And so many others fought for her life too. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">This taking of lives is so far beyond me. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">The crater that person leaves, the lives that have been blown up. I cannot put my head around why anyone would want to create such destruction and why it keeps happening more and more often. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">As a society, it is hard to comprehend the impact these loses have over time. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">It sucks to lose a child. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I cannot tell you how much it sucks. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">The first week you wonder how your eyes can generate so many tears. You think you are all dried up but they come again- in flooding waters. You think your eyes might wash out of your head. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And you get through weird things. Things that are so awful there is no dialogue in your brain to process it. How do you process your child's funeral? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"What music do you want played?" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"What the holy hell? How the f*ck am I supposed to answer that god awful question?" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But you come up with an answer. And it is brilliant. Because everyone is looking at your flood-water eyes for an answer. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And you think "okay. I might be okay." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But you are not. You are so not. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">You get a freezer full of lasagna. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">You hate that lasagna. It will stay in your freezer for years. Stupid, grief lasagna. Dropped off at your door with the very best intentions. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">You congratulate yourself for putting on pants. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">You forget to brush you teeth. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">You think you are in hell. You wish you were in hell. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Someone tells you that you need to brush your teeth. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Two weeks later real grief sets in. A grief so powerful you feel like you are in the movie Alien and that stupid monster will push through your chest. Maybe it will and that will be it. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But no, it just pushes It is sickening. Heartbreaking. Physically painful. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">You walk into her room. It smells like her. You take a dress a breathe that smell until your lungs cant hold any more. It is the very best smell in the entire world</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">My God. Can this be bottled? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">A year goes by and you congratulate yourself on a year. But then the truth sets in. This is your life. You will forever live this life without this person. And sometimes that reality is too much.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">The alien subsides but is still there....pushing at times. And sometimes you are hopelessly sad. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">People wonder if you will move on. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">You will never move on. You lose friends. You embrace those who allow you to ugly cry and howl like a lone wolf. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">More time goes by and you still drive to work and cry for no reason. That all becomes okay because this is your new normal. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Your life is now on the outskirts. You are that person who lost a child. You choose to engage when you can but find at times that the triteness of life is sometimes too much and you need to retreat. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">You will always miss. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Always. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And there is nothing anyone can do about it- nothing anyone can change. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But we need to change. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">We need to change. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">It sucks to lose a child.</span> <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-22966973909944688582018-02-12T22:02:00.000-07:002018-02-12T22:02:08.785-07:00The House that hubs Built<span style="font-size: x-large;">We moved. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">You might have guessed from my last post which took me over thirty days to recover from.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But we did relocate. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">In May of 2016 (yeah, like 20 months ago) Hubs texted asking where I was.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Hey! Where are you?" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Um. Fort Lauderdale?" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Florida?"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Yeah."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Home soon?"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"5ish"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Come look at a house." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And so I landed......from Florida and went to look at a house.....during a thunderstorm. A house on 20 acres during a thunderstorm with lightening shinning off of its three stories. Three stories of unloved home that looked like it was occupied by the frickin' Adams family. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I drove up, parked and thought <strong><em>'oh hell no</em>.'</strong></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I walked into the house and thought <em><strong>'oh double hell no.'</strong></em></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But then Hubs walked around the corner with tape measure and a gleam in his eye. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"You like it?" He said.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Do you?" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">The tape measure clicked shut. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">CLICK! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Yeah." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And with that he was gone. Scampered off.....tape measuring something else. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">The next day we had a contract on a house I called Hogwarts. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">20 months later, Hogwarts is not compete but habitable. It was taken down and rebuilt. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Rebuilt with the eye of an engineer. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Rebuilt with determination, tenacity, f-bombs, errors less than an 1/8th of an inch and a sense of ownership and love. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I am in awe of the house that Hubs built. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And is still building....just a little bit. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But here is a preview.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Stairs before: </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbmM4npWjD04owPVvHEL4lLYsORFsbV04a-BfL18QgUngWRVa6QtUC33tJ2QQcf5_IwJ5F8y00CB2-SX_gkscHHlZGYLuRvNZDgizmDnnk6cybrgSP5n3gpHTATKGFTQQFZMyys06Cs-c/s1600/stairs.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="200" data-original-width="158" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbmM4npWjD04owPVvHEL4lLYsORFsbV04a-BfL18QgUngWRVa6QtUC33tJ2QQcf5_IwJ5F8y00CB2-SX_gkscHHlZGYLuRvNZDgizmDnnk6cybrgSP5n3gpHTATKGFTQQFZMyys06Cs-c/s320/stairs.JPG" width="252" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Stairs after: </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLPtud9_PiBFVqoz2IBXIwoHyHhsKO6VaGaYDq5dLJ_OCjvaz8pFKbhpgpJobSKddpGWPGrc1K0WFNFhIK-9gBwb9_-WyVHYgnOXBmBqggMQYLcCK3ThECWiDbL5VjyuIubGqlH6E_jls/s1600/stairs+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></a> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQwn23Vfj5iHPn-r4LPo4dDBXN-OnPLp3uM0Ske8JuclWk5JeVs71cnOhbf98-pmW4hONV5RlIQ7pzVebwO_g7iYC2uAqYOWg4uIjS_cuOVPwl5oFyGaheOVe2obg06tm6J3_tnsN4g-4/s1600/stairs+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="833" data-original-width="630" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQwn23Vfj5iHPn-r4LPo4dDBXN-OnPLp3uM0Ske8JuclWk5JeVs71cnOhbf98-pmW4hONV5RlIQ7pzVebwO_g7iYC2uAqYOWg4uIjS_cuOVPwl5oFyGaheOVe2obg06tm6J3_tnsN4g-4/s320/stairs+2.JPG" width="242" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Kitchen Before</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYN04RhkfM5MkAtOEmaMsuyQZdmVq5vk8Rac2Fqvksae4kxH_15dtIwI8xZjZtLy0wOZxiQXm5ftVAYqK92_EAmgDB3g9uiWOrfJYYROBAgtfpNoHfnvk-0RJGJRrrOwm4wW_bA7d1qrE/s1600/kitchen.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYN04RhkfM5MkAtOEmaMsuyQZdmVq5vk8Rac2Fqvksae4kxH_15dtIwI8xZjZtLy0wOZxiQXm5ftVAYqK92_EAmgDB3g9uiWOrfJYYROBAgtfpNoHfnvk-0RJGJRrrOwm4wW_bA7d1qrE/s1600/kitchen.JPG" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Kitchen After: </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdZCAE6L_4Fy7CuiYE_OnvhQ1OfL399DBw7LjReH5YpgrbI6k2lNpJ8wn4OX-iYzq2Q6DNoJxqTVucOhkmgXBhODIs8XY7SLMqSTC3ki1ovTxCpKPWbrxgDL7fix6tnQY0Bic-CtikcWw/s1600/ktichen.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdZCAE6L_4Fy7CuiYE_OnvhQ1OfL399DBw7LjReH5YpgrbI6k2lNpJ8wn4OX-iYzq2Q6DNoJxqTVucOhkmgXBhODIs8XY7SLMqSTC3ki1ovTxCpKPWbrxgDL7fix6tnQY0Bic-CtikcWw/s320/ktichen.jpeg" width="240" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Bath before</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqktWKNOxuzbd15JP5U_GSjKAmmvgjFR-_BNoygaTrxPNxYsSbrblutXdAex83lhLmnVg3JKGuywHwUvoVB5JV_XMPiMzj1XQU1e-mohSXezg0hcYwOkaOc-9ZtTFyH4B81L9G9zwd8ms/s1600/bath.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="209" data-original-width="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqktWKNOxuzbd15JP5U_GSjKAmmvgjFR-_BNoygaTrxPNxYsSbrblutXdAex83lhLmnVg3JKGuywHwUvoVB5JV_XMPiMzj1XQU1e-mohSXezg0hcYwOkaOc-9ZtTFyH4B81L9G9zwd8ms/s1600/bath.JPG" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Bath After: </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1m0SshEmMiH7N2jYnTdnqB5K3qvN0LSymzFpBKRdWvQvebSfozeI-zO-vAch-YtjHX2Yske3LxABpHHcosndLeTB_k3q2vQcEag9mqvXh71iYa_IboYqF1zZVyKx-9OYWfrWMUrmRHDQ/s1600/bath+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="628" data-original-width="797" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1m0SshEmMiH7N2jYnTdnqB5K3qvN0LSymzFpBKRdWvQvebSfozeI-zO-vAch-YtjHX2Yske3LxABpHHcosndLeTB_k3q2vQcEag9mqvXh71iYa_IboYqF1zZVyKx-9OYWfrWMUrmRHDQ/s320/bath+2.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Master closet before: </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIUqBJwGsjmGRqnZQ1OuYxW2fXxcHDrMOIMyW0CWxtZ80o2u4BQHcuVO6Id1DHrET4eTXa4qkI4Rd7lX6v0NYfHgSFG9X0X1Ct66x66t13N62EMNSF4zu7eH2IOwPC1SeeSw8ZmtvQTQQ/s1600/closet.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="511" data-original-width="788" height="207" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIUqBJwGsjmGRqnZQ1OuYxW2fXxcHDrMOIMyW0CWxtZ80o2u4BQHcuVO6Id1DHrET4eTXa4qkI4Rd7lX6v0NYfHgSFG9X0X1Ct66x66t13N62EMNSF4zu7eH2IOwPC1SeeSw8ZmtvQTQQ/s320/closet.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">After: </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdu1cBrpWkGuzDlUVdcm-jiGLvxd9O34VoH2t5lGfMsY4cHNWDTf9mF0eNf2BG80ohYB7vfVUgb9wSQu5IoFKWdEGgXVBVoOxtW5n6T3fK0FALNV2A__n0dtRMerLRjasfthHxePp0uGA/s1600/closet+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="486" data-original-width="831" height="187" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdu1cBrpWkGuzDlUVdcm-jiGLvxd9O34VoH2t5lGfMsY4cHNWDTf9mF0eNf2BG80ohYB7vfVUgb9wSQu5IoFKWdEGgXVBVoOxtW5n6T3fK0FALNV2A__n0dtRMerLRjasfthHxePp0uGA/s320/closet+2.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Alas, the new house. A new chapter. A house that needed a little love. And us.</span> </div>
HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-15848737392982272002017-12-26T18:00:00.001-07:002017-12-26T18:00:27.439-07:00In This House<span style="font-size: x-large;">Tonight is the last night in this house. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I am a bit of a mess. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">It's caught me by surprise. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But in this house.....</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">In this house my husband made me dinner when we were dating. I drove up and thought "where the hell is Loveland?" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">In this house I said yes. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">In this house I sat in the living room and wrote wedding invitations. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">In this house, in this house, in this house. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I packed for Paris. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I pee'd on a stick. I drove to Hubs office when I saw the positive sign. We bought a car. I built a nursery. I fretted over installing a car seat correctly. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">We fretted over a pregnancy. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">We lost a son. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Hubs drove me home to an anxious and sad family. I sat outside; ate a turkey sandwich and drank a gin and tonic and talked about a future I still believed in. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I pee'd on a stick. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">We greeted a daughter. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">We greeted an ambulance. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">We greeted an ambulance. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">We greeted an ambulance.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I grieved a motherhood that would not be mine. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And then we grieved a daughter. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Friends brought lovely champagne and we sat on our stoop. In this house! In this house! IN THIS HOUSE! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Our new house will never have formula stains on the ceiling or poop on the carpet. If an ambulance shows up at 2:00 in the morning, one of us will have the knowledge to direct people where to go because now we have a history. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">We learned it in this house. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I walked into Hubs office as he was packing Jack, Samantha's and his Dad's ashes.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And we embraced. Just us two</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">In this house, In this house, In this house. </span><br />
HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-92204421534011679672017-11-14T21:40:00.001-07:002017-11-14T21:53:15.293-07:00I Love You the Way I Learned how to Ride a Bike......Scared but Reckless- Rudy Francisco Part one<span style="font-size: x-large;">The summer after we lost Samantha I rode my bike.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I rode it thousands of miles. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Thousands.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I felt my heart beat furiously, pounding to beat out of my chest. I took in every wispy breath; my lungs cursing my legs for more oxygen. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I took in my grief and breathed out a hope for solace and peace. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I stood at the top of mountains and realized I was still alive. Every part of my body beat alive; demanded oxygen and water and food and it slowly convinced my sad, tired soul that it was alive too. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I fell in love with my bike. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Seven years later, my mind has forgotten what my soul needed and my relationship with my bike turns into something like this.....</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Heather"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Heather"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong>"Heather!"</strong> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"What? Yes?" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"We have not gone out together in weeks. When you are home, you ignore me. Is it my flat tires? My rusty chain? Is that it?" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"No, no, you're beautiful." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Well lube my chain and take me out for a ride."<em> I swear this conversation is not as dirty as it sounds.....</em></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And so we go. Seven years later, my ride is still therapeutic but
not as desperate. I now know I am alive and my heart can beat without another but the pounding grounds me to this world.
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">The air is warm, the view is lovely, my heart beats, my lungs demand oxygen. I
overlook vistas, gaze at the changing sky as it grows from blue to pink and
always, always think of my girl. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And still, seven years later, it is my religion, my solace. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I reach for my pack of orange flavored Goo with an extra shot of
caffeine, I farmer blow into the weeds, wipe my hand on my bike shorts and wish that everyone could experience
what I see, breathe, smell, feel at the top of this mountain. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">That's right....biking makes you super posh and a master of the farmer blow. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And this semester, a group of CU Masters of Engineering Students are making
this happen. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Making WHAT happen??? Part two tomorrow <span style="font-family: "wingdings"; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-78483768552690584352017-10-21T21:53:00.000-06:002017-10-21T21:53:22.150-06:00Your Charity Gives me Gas<span style="font-size: x-large;">A couple months ago, I picked up a friend from the airport for a girl's weekend. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">It was early. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">We were meeting other friends for brunch but due to her early arrival, we both needed a Starbucks. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Desperately. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">We pulled into the intersection driving my new fancy car and waited for the light to change. Next to us was a homeless man. My friend grabbed her wallet. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Crap, I don't have any cash," She said, "Usually I have granola bars in the car to give out. Do you have anything?" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Really?" I said, "This is all just a ploy. Do you know how much these people make? He owns this block. This is a good block too." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I stopped myself. "I sound like an asshole, don't I?" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Oh no." she said, "We are just riding in your Mercedes to get $5 coffees before we go to brunch and you are criticizing the homeless man." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I love my friend for this. And so I took this to heart and made a metal note to change. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">The next week I pulled into Starbucks and saw a man with a sign that said, <strong><em>Coffee?</em></strong></span><br />
<strong><em><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></em></strong><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I thought of my friend and my attempt to less Assy. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">So I ordered my coffee and ordered the man on the corner a coffee too. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Milk and sugar?" The Barista asked</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I thought about being on the streets, being hungry and needing calories. Of course milk and sugar! </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Yes please. And I'll take a bacon gouda sandwich too." Because bacon gouda sandwiches are delicious. And if I did not have a place to go, I would covet a bacon gouda sandwich. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I stopped at the man at the corner. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Hey! I got you a coffee." I pulled it out. "I wasn't sure but I had them add milk." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">He looked at me and wrinkled his nose. "I can't drink this. I'm lactose intolerant. Do you know what this will do to me?" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Oh. My. Stink....literally. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Well then, I guess you can't have this sandwich." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Does it have milk products?" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Gouda." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Gouda?" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"It's a cheese." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Oh no, hell no. Do you know what that will do to me?" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I handed him a dollar and wished him luck. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I also called my friend. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">She laughed and said that's what I get for being a part of Boulder county. She also told me not to give up. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">At work I told my story and tried to pawn off a bacon gouda sandwich. A co-worker went into detail about what happens when a lactose intolerant person consumes milk. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"It's not pretty," she said, "And not having direct access to a bathroom? I can't imagine. He made a good choice." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Whatever." I said, "Do you want a bacon gouda sandwich?" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"No, I just ate." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Today I pulled out of the grocery store. A man stood at the intersection. He held a sign that said, "Put some cheese on my cracker!" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I assumed he was NOT lactose intolerant because he spoke about cheese so enthusiastically. I thought of my friend and the granola bars in her minivan and I stopped. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"I don't have any cash," because I don't, truly, I never do, "but would you like a yogurt?" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I held out a Noosa Peach Yogurt.....the very best yogurts of yogurts. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"I would love a yogurt," he said, "Thank you. You have a fantastic day." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I drove off reminding myself to buy granola bars. Because giving back does feel good. And because you know.....lactose.</span> <br />
<br />
HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-10728407089911062322017-10-02T21:55:00.001-06:002017-10-02T22:24:07.310-06:00Embrace your people<span style="font-size: x-large;">My senior year in high school I dated a young man who was searching for his identity. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">In the meantime he introduced me to great morose music. The Smiths, Morrissey, Kate Bush....Kate Bush and Peter Gabriel. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dduZbDFCG_E">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dduZbDFCG_E</a></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">In times of uncertainty, I go back to this music</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<em><strong><span style="font-size: x-large;">In this proud land we grew up strong</span></strong></em><br />
<em><strong><span style="font-size: x-large;">We were wanted all along</span></strong></em><br />
<em><strong><span style="font-size: x-large;">I was taught to fight taught to win</span></strong></em><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><em><strong>I never knew I could fail</strong></em> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">This week I have been tasked with taking black and white pictures and posting them on Facebook. I took this today while waiting at a red light. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZAPPKT7Iv_Lq4BPlhJX2ZMOF8b9OHIBszRInCL1RvRxYc26L37Fs9gcn7QmN6_FHghU5QVSBqki0YYQ-ovSWBpxaexOXzM7b8k1ro_8a43e_cba9aNDZc_Hj7FZDkxuMrcxgj-U4sbXw/s1600/Capture.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="345" data-original-width="478" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZAPPKT7Iv_Lq4BPlhJX2ZMOF8b9OHIBszRInCL1RvRxYc26L37Fs9gcn7QmN6_FHghU5QVSBqki0YYQ-ovSWBpxaexOXzM7b8k1ro_8a43e_cba9aNDZc_Hj7FZDkxuMrcxgj-U4sbXw/s320/Capture.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">These are Samantha's pink shoes. They sit on my dashboard of my car. I like the crack in the windshield along with the rain, along with the pink shoes. The dichotomy of life.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">My girl who is no longer with me but with me everyday- perched next to the crack in the windshield. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I watched in disbelief today and cried. I hate who we are sometimes. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I don't know why we do what we do. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But I have met enough people along my path, heard enough stories in my life to know that there are bad people in this world. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And nothing will change that. Bad people will find a way to be bad. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And that is outstandingly shitty because most of us are not bad. Sure, we all have moments of assiness but 99.99% of us cannot fathom what the bad people do. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And this evil rocks our world</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Because it should. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Where do we go from here? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Grab your people. Hold them tight. Look in the eyes, kiss on the lips. Tell your loves you love them. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">All we have each other. Which sounds trite- it is not skin or bone but it is connection. At times it is pink mary janes on a dashboard. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">It is who we are; our stories, our vulnerability, our ability to relate, embrace, love, laugh, connect.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">It sounds like nothing when so much has been taken. But sometimes when all has been taken, it is so much. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And at times it is all we have.</span> <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-91012279536283411782017-09-19T20:55:00.001-06:002017-09-19T20:55:06.390-06:00HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-82164723789778925922017-09-19T20:54:00.000-06:002017-09-19T20:55:42.889-06:00What Mito Took <span style="font-size: x-large;">This week is Mitochondrial Awareness week. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Which is funny because if you know me, you know about your mitochondria. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But I truly wish you didn't know. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">My loss hits sometimes. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I was in a college town on Saturday. It was a weekend for high school seniors to tour the campus. The hotel lobby was full of anxious, potential new students and overprotective parents. I got into the elevator with a mom and her daughter. The daughter held a bear shaped travel pillow in one hand and her mom's hand in the other. She sighed deeply and put her head on her mom's shoulder. Her mom instinctively turned and kissed her daughters head. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I, ironically was going back upstairs to work and held a glass of wine in my hand. I took a sip and examined the buttons on the elevator. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">They got off on the fourth floor and continued to hold hands. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">The ease of this intimacy between mother and child....I miss....I will covet for the rest of my life. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Mito took that piece of my life and dared me to find a different one.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">It took many pieces. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">It sat across from me with irksome eyes, returned my life after loss on a platter; steaming, stinking, painful, unidentifiable and goaded me to find a new purpose. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And so I dug through the mess and tended to what was salvageable. It took a lot of digging, a lot of scrubbing and searching.....searching through the shit for what was good. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Eventually, I constructed my new life. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">It is piecemealed together, fragile, continually searching and changing to find what makes it complete but it is a life in spite of all that Mito tried took.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I am broken. My new life presents me snarky, impatient, unpredictable and horrifically judgmental. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">This morning I watched Madonna being interviewed by CBS this morning. She is doing great work in Malawi, Africa. Good, commendable work. But she said she is doing it because <em><strong>she is the embodiment of whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.</strong></em> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I spit my tooth paste out and said Bullshit to the TV. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I have become the woman who yells at the TV. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">At Madonna.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">In this new life I have met many beautiful, humble embodiments of strength. They do not tell you they are strong. They pick through the remnants of the old life, polish, scrub and redefine. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Mito takes. It takes strength, energy, power and our Loves. It returns us as voyeurs in an elevator daring us to continue on. Challenging us to find our life again. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">It takes a lot. And it takes a lot to not allow this disease to take everything. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">The antonym to take is to give. And perhaps that is how I must right size all the taking; to combat it with giving. Not because giving is the altruistic thing to do; that part is the icing on the cake. But because the giving stands up to the taking and I need some soldiers in my court or at the very least in my elevator. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Happy Mitochondrial awareness week. </span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-16844965925623933542017-09-04T18:47:00.000-06:002017-09-04T18:47:37.738-06:00Hope is the Dream of the Waking Man<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">This is a quote I found on 'the google'. It's a French proverb and I like it. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Because what are we if we do not have hope? In the flooded streets of Houston, in the incomprehensible situation unfolding in the Pacific, in the stressful realities of our special needs community, we all need hope. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">On Thursday we officially finished up another year of riding with the Courage Classic and fundraising for our Mitochondrial Clinic. It was another amazing year. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">As we finished nine years of riding and six years of funding the Mito Clinic, certain things are starting to happen; really good things. Ideas and projects that only start to come to fruition after years of consistent fundraising and establishing ourselves as a partner in the mito community. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">And as we finish up another year, I am in awe of a group of people can do. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjO7Yo7xTcmOtlRvCYJV4q9RkO6pcD92Ha04_6-2rS2LczKpMRD64p5vMlNdlSWNFQAQGyLouBZUc2nYepe4d3sNCDtVpGuORVI1iDK0hE2mR8ZeDoFKsiMfmu5Rqwsdlthf4pYzFnXQY/s1600/gemma.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="491" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjO7Yo7xTcmOtlRvCYJV4q9RkO6pcD92Ha04_6-2rS2LczKpMRD64p5vMlNdlSWNFQAQGyLouBZUc2nYepe4d3sNCDtVpGuORVI1iDK0hE2mR8ZeDoFKsiMfmu5Rqwsdlthf4pYzFnXQY/s320/gemma.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">No matter how small. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">For all of you following, donating, riding, volunteering and supporting us. This is what you have done this year: </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1. This year Children’s Colorado became a site for an international
clinical trial for those with mitochondrial myopathies. We are one of 50 sites
internationally. You can access the trial info here: </span><a href="http://www.stealthbt.com/clinical/"><span style="color: #0563c1;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">http://www.stealthbt.com/clinical/</span></span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span>
<o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFGj_XlQw9WbaC4DX5mHGRo6ltkmTruYwi-aDsGb3RecjgISp7N5n_DWFIfdyWvCoV9ToUvga43V8Ahv3LT40FVXrLOaE99iX0VWc30GrXEPDD7qNaRDYhODOCJsYEujCDoI7YFFfENfs/s1600/jackson+and+cam.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="230" data-original-width="394" height="186" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFGj_XlQw9WbaC4DX5mHGRo6ltkmTruYwi-aDsGb3RecjgISp7N5n_DWFIfdyWvCoV9ToUvga43V8Ahv3LT40FVXrLOaE99iX0VWc30GrXEPDD7qNaRDYhODOCJsYEujCDoI7YFFfENfs/s320/jackson+and+cam.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">It's a reason to smile :) </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">
</span><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">2. The protocols used by the clinic have<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>been approved by the Institutional Review Board (IRB) for Mitochondrial
Disease. These are all super big words but what it means is that Colorado will
become an international hub for research in this field. Our goal moving forward
is to establish Children’s Colorado as a Mitochondrial Center of Excellence.
This means more research money and support will be funneled into our state.</span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: center; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgSbR61xDdgrsP3QHmo2419OdoqBFydLx4IhX1Mp1-A7N0cNx8KpnTr3ScCkRJflGmBLkZ_p6hyShGnHCqWcIo9oi1AAoSG1wNJxF3nKXAzS86c5goMewPdAFb3uX0hNHclNfnlxzskfs/s1600/jim.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="534" data-original-width="733" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgSbR61xDdgrsP3QHmo2419OdoqBFydLx4IhX1Mp1-A7N0cNx8KpnTr3ScCkRJflGmBLkZ_p6hyShGnHCqWcIo9oi1AAoSG1wNJxF3nKXAzS86c5goMewPdAFb3uX0hNHclNfnlxzskfs/s320/jim.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
</span></span><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">One reason why Jim does all of this :)</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;"></span></span> </div>
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><o:p><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: left; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">3. Dr. Austin Larson joined us as a fellow in 2014 and is staying on as
an Attendee focused on Mitochondrial research, treatment and clinical testing at Children's Hospital .
Dr. Larson spoke and met with families this year at the United Mitochondrial
Disease conference- we are very excited to have him on board and representing
Colorado</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">
</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6Cb5xnj4nP99Ru7VBJfuKjtI4PbSpYlDl3JE1XEf_xHPe-0olP34ngscJ3pQ473eJozKnM9WCTxUGN20Dq_5z_3FES6GkrFe_iiDcOkC4dNLVpPvDZOusb4lBeF6QwWbfXFPa0s4HhIQ/s1600/cal.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="355" data-original-width="377" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6Cb5xnj4nP99Ru7VBJfuKjtI4PbSpYlDl3JE1XEf_xHPe-0olP34ngscJ3pQ473eJozKnM9WCTxUGN20Dq_5z_3FES6GkrFe_iiDcOkC4dNLVpPvDZOusb4lBeF6QwWbfXFPa0s4HhIQ/s320/cal.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Cal is THRILLED about this</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
</o:p><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">4. We have sponsored a grant between Dr. Larson and Dr. Green to fund a
research project looking at the link between mitochondrial deviations and type
one diabetes</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsoYdVryRFrA4aWPqL6Mg0isW6zIrtam01NtyiqX6IR51VB58Jq8eHAIl-VW_byhFbLhNlvEa8z_tz33rngU_khIrec243LnvJdOCDfdTZC6Qnph4viVenEJCT5Mazktj2sZR_wGmcyrY/s1600/maria.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="440" data-original-width="543" height="259" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsoYdVryRFrA4aWPqL6Mg0isW6zIrtam01NtyiqX6IR51VB58Jq8eHAIl-VW_byhFbLhNlvEa8z_tz33rngU_khIrec243LnvJdOCDfdTZC6Qnph4viVenEJCT5Mazktj2sZR_wGmcyrY/s320/maria.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Makes Maria smile (Joakim too :) </span></div>
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><o:p><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">5. We also supply families in the Rocky Mountain region with supplements not covered by insurance through the Metabolic Food Store at Children’s</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioQn_LO6BY0Xkn90dH5koErDNdbBsX-z0zKx45k9tK8KCfsmcT4L9xiaRBvSrixAD6GXAfFyMUGXkmNyUzUDNNdfe9N6IMgGczsDqpl4QVphqx01T-uAHZ8mGukwiGPQzuEpVxqK1s42g/s1600/group+photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="342" data-original-width="718" height="152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioQn_LO6BY0Xkn90dH5koErDNdbBsX-z0zKx45k9tK8KCfsmcT4L9xiaRBvSrixAD6GXAfFyMUGXkmNyUzUDNNdfe9N6IMgGczsDqpl4QVphqx01T-uAHZ8mGukwiGPQzuEpVxqK1s42g/s320/group+photo.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">One reason why this beautiful group rides</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
</o:p></span><div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">6. We continue to fund the research lab at CU</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"></span></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnyGG9OoMndnO_tTcgLbBiaxc1cpdfCMvf3WU4YbN5aG1WATQ4TGuaBLP7pOZN92CiYqcn7MWcDo3_gkMhc4gn10bkdWZOc1Ba_-Mebtv-NCrwac8csHqHI_WdKSBdoeCR569MJQuPPo4/s1600/cake.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="356" data-original-width="529" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnyGG9OoMndnO_tTcgLbBiaxc1cpdfCMvf3WU4YbN5aG1WATQ4TGuaBLP7pOZN92CiYqcn7MWcDo3_gkMhc4gn10bkdWZOc1Ba_-Mebtv-NCrwac8csHqHI_WdKSBdoeCR569MJQuPPo4/s320/cake.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Six items for our six years. Not too bad. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;">This team has kept Mito research in Colorado. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;">This team is what will help continue that research. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;">I started with a Hope. You all supported a dream. And we kept it a dream in our state. And we continue to support our local families. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;">You keep me awake. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;">During the ride, I climbed up Battle Mountain with John Denver in my head, the mountains around me and the lack oxygen in my lungs. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;">I cry every time I hear Rocky Mountain High. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;">And yes, I do realize this might be a character flaw.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;">I stopped, took in the beauty, wiped my eyes. And thanked God, the universe, my tribe, Samantha and this crazy life for bringing this all into fruition. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;">And I so leave you with the first verse. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><em>He was born in the summer of his 27th year<br />Coming home to a place he'd never been before<br />He left yesterday behind him, you might say he was born again<br />You might say he found a key for every door</em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-large;">Thank you for helping me find my key :) </span><br />
HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-5307177289233867072017-08-20T18:49:00.000-06:002017-08-20T18:49:51.203-06:00<span style="font-size: x-large;">Last week I spoke at a resiliency conference at Children's. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I love the topic of resiliency. What makes people able to face a crisis and turn it around for something good? What is that wiring in our brain and how do we emulate everyday? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I tell my colleagues at work that our issues are not arms and legs and that no one will bleed out.....our marketing campaigns will be okay in the face of a challenge. They will live to see another day. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But Friday's conference was given for the hospital caregivers. What do I say to a group of caregivers who do face challenges where it could be arms and legs??? Where someone really could bleed out? How do I tell them to be resilient without sounding trite? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">As usual, my talk was from the hip....nothing prepared. I was going rouge. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I opened with my Chicken Soup for the Soul story; the one about grieving and recovery. This story kills me. It was written and submitted before we lost Samantha. I received word on its acceptance a week after she died. It has taken seven years for me to like this story again. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I read this and think, "oh you poor Mama, to talk of grief with your Sweet Babu by your side. You ain't seen nothing yet." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I read this story to my audience with that caveat and that seven years later it is finally relatable. The very cruel thing about grief is that it takes time. It just takes time. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Our talk went onto my Google search for traits of resilient people. Based on The Google, resilient people are almost perfect: </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">- They are mindful and self aware</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">- They do not covet what other have</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">- They look at their hardships as a lesson in life</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">- They are always learning</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> and they take good care of themselves. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I find this a load of hooey. My favorite resilient people are lippy and raw. They speak to their pain with truth and honesty around a glass of wine and deep fried cheesy poofs. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">mmmmm cheesy poofs. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And I told this to my group. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Shootin' from the hip. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Sometimes all we can do to be resilient is to remember to brush our teeth and put on underwear.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I told this to the audience and they laughed. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I appreciated this for two reasons (1) Because I went to give my talk right after a comedian which I feel is amazingly unfair and (2) because if you a laughing with me, you are relating. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Stories of resiliency can be hard and difficult to relate to....they inspire us but at the same time make the audience think, "thank god that wasn't me." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">According to The Google, unless we have experienced incredible loss, turned that loss it into joy and are now making hemp underwear to help orphans and practice mindful mediation three hours a day, we are not resilient. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Resilient people are so because they wake up everyday choosing to be. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">It was fun to speak to this group. I left the day with bath salts, lavender hand cream and my underwear. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Resilient. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And happy eclipse! When I look up tomorrow at the sun (with my protective eyewear) I will take a moment and appreciate how very vast this life can be.</span> <br />
HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-35138988261109766682017-08-14T19:38:00.001-06:002017-08-14T19:38:26.685-06:00Feet<span style="font-size: x-large;">Sometimes you are so busy doing the things you want to blog about, you have no time to blog about them. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Combine that with the fact that I am a horribly undisciplined writer. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And I have a slight Facebook addiction. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">This equates to four months since my last blog post. Which is okay. But I really do like to write. My head needs to be purged at times and when I don't write I become a bit of an emotional hoarder with thoughts gathering dust in my head like old newspapers. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">So here I am. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Four months later. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">It's hard to summarize four months in one post so I won't. This is my welcome back to my blog post....you have many of my <em><strong>'what I did this summer'</strong></em> posts to come. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">When I think of the last four months and all that has happened; the Courage Classic, the Mitochondrial conference, swimming from Alcatraz, our house remodel, work, family, friends, it is good....solid. This is a good spot.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But I had to take the time to recognize that my life is solid. What is my connection to this world? Where are my feet? What is the earth they stand on? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I sometimes forget.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I meant to post yesterday but this weekend felt like emotional dodge ball......so much sad news with little time to process. It's hard to know how solid your feet are when you're on your toes. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Last night I told my husband, "I need to write more." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"So write," he said. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Hmmmm. Yes. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But first I had to find my feet, feel the earth and remember my connection. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And perhaps a pedicure.</span> HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-683700514997462882.post-58225092738722512102017-04-23T18:59:00.000-06:002017-04-23T19:02:05.504-06:00Vision with action can change the world. <span style="font-size: x-large;">My Dear Friend Heather (not me......really although I do find myself a good friend to myself)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I digress. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Anyway, my dear friend Heather is taking a course on leadership. She told me my leadership strength is vision. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I love her for saying this because so often I cannot see my path. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And then somedays the path is in front of me, so incredibly clear it was painted with neon pink glitter glue. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">A month ago I was working from home during a nondescript Friday afternoon when I got an email from our brilliant Mitochondrial Doc. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">The subject line was Progress. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">This took me aback and begged to be read because sometimes issues of the mitochondria and progress do not go hand in hand. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">His email told me that because of the money raised through Summits for Samantha, we have been able to achieve the following: </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">1. Securing our Fabulous Mitochondrial Fellow at Children's Hospital- he is now an Attending Doc with us. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">2. Securing a Clinical Trial for Adult Mitochondrial Myopathy at Children's</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">3. A mitochondrial treatment protocol at Children's Hospital, including a protocol for genetic testing and muscle biopsies. Along with this comes a guarantee from our grassroots bike team that we will fund the protocol. YIKES. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Our Center here in Colorado is making a mark internationally. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I read his email at the dining room table. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">This picture also lives in the dining room</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh1cYCEpXlS20xYy3GXwVXALHf2fnoYPWXBOvevTPklVgw87XxtCZKfvULCC_oZFns84G2YXNdZ3FYm2gXYaEsOeaoHVl4Aywbn2aROT_1jm8Dkr0U39aCmmwoX8yZX_qXeWT1rBbIG3M/s1600/file.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh1cYCEpXlS20xYy3GXwVXALHf2fnoYPWXBOvevTPklVgw87XxtCZKfvULCC_oZFns84G2YXNdZ3FYm2gXYaEsOeaoHVl4Aywbn2aROT_1jm8Dkr0U39aCmmwoX8yZX_qXeWT1rBbIG3M/s320/file.jpeg" width="240" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">My eyes darted from the computer her picture and I proceeded to sob. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Ugly sob...ugly heaving sob.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Because we are doing.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">We are doing. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">The path that day was aglow with love and trust and a vision. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">So what do when you are ugly sobbing?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">You call your Hubs. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Who doesn't answer. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And so you leave a message that goes like this....</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Hey, I know I sound upset but I'm really not. I'm so happy (gasp, hiccup), really.....because this is what we have done." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And he calls back and says, "what's wrong?" </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And I reply, "I am overwhelmed with gratitude." </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">This is all because of a team with a big heart who decided this vision was okay. And raised a crazy amount of money for this vision. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Sometimes this crazy world falls into a perfect harmony. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Friday evening Hubs was (again) greeted by a gratefully hysterical wife at the door......</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Because I got a letter stating that you people, you crazy gracious people have given sooooooo much in Samantha's name to Children's, that she will have her name on the Wall of Remembrance.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">I never had a headstone or plot for my kiddos. Kinda because I never in a bazillion years thought that this would be my life. And kinda because my kiddos are with me every day- in every butterfly or pink sunrise, they are here. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But now she lives on in a place that helped us when no one else would. That makes me (yet again) ugly cry happy. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">And you! You crazy people. Thank you for believing in our mission and vision. I cannot believe how fortunate I am to have such amazing people in my life. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Now what's next?????</span><br />
<br />
<br />HeatherShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10703395031550941003noreply@blogger.com0