Friday, November 27, 2009

The Perspective Elephant

It is Thanksgiving.

And I never posted what I am thankful for....

I hope that's okay and I hope you know all that we are thankful for....you who stop in and read what we are up to; provide support and well wishes. Thankful for seizure meds and the ketogenic diet. Thankful that we live during a time that can provide medical care for Samantha.

But this year I am especially thankful for a little perspective.

Three years ago, around Thanksgiving time it became clear to me that Samantha wasn't progressing the way a baby should. But I didn't talk about it. In fact no one really talked about it, not even Samantha's doctor....

"Place her on her tummy more often and up her calories in the formula." Doctor's advice...

Oh well she's fine...just needs a little more tummy time....that's what the doctor said.

So the holiday season was spent placing Samantha on her tummy as much as possible and trying to convince myself that everything was fine. I never really talked about how scared I was....scared that Samantha wasn't 'right' scared that something could be wrong with my child. Terrified that our lives would be different from what we expected.

It was the big, stinky elephant in the room.

No one talked about the elephant.

Elephant's take up a lot of space....it takes a lot of energy to not acknowledge the elephant.

It was a crappy way to spend the holidays.

This year I am grateful for the fact that we know our lives are different and we don't pretend otherwise. I am grateful that we don't have to relive that first, uncertain year.

The silent elephant moved out as soon as we acknowledged that she was indeed in the room and there was indeed an issue...something about moving onto another family who needed a big, obvious, pachyderm

This was good because elephants eat a lot.

Happy Thanksgiving

6 comments:

Makenzies Miracle said...

Your daughter is beautiful! We also live in Denver and frequent the Childrens Hospital. My daughter suffered a brain injury in 2007 after choking on a cracker. I loved your post!
Makenzie's story is at www.makenziesmiracle.blogspot.com

Tracy said...

I remember that Thanksgiving time- holding Samantha in our family room while everyone else was in the dining room - trying to figure out if she was "ok". Damn elephant... Happy Thanksgiving and love to you guys!!

terena said...

I remember those early days. You want answers, some kind of validation for your intuition, but are also terrified of knowing you're right.

Now you are on the other side, dealing with the Samantha's needs, and learning more every day.

It does get easier in time. Still challenging and scary, but you can deal with whatever giant turd the elephant may dump in your living room. Much better than fear and denial.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Fawn said...

Beautiful post, Heather. Congratulations on the journey well-travelled!

Heidi said...

Oh Heather - your blog brought back so many memories of Christmas 3 years ago! I'm so glad that the elephant has left the room, and we get to enjoy beautiful Samantha - in all her glory!!!

MJ Morgan, Writer said...

Well said, Heather! There is no substitute for the truth, no matter how difficult it may be. Kudos to you for naming the elephant!

Love to you, Bart, and Samantha,
Maryjo