Hold on. Hold onto Yourself

Don't hate me. 

But I'm not a Sarah McLachlan fan. 

It's nothing personal. 

I'm not a fan of sad music. 

I think I was the only one who didn't like Adele's "Nevermind I'll Find Someone Like You."  

At the end of the song, all I could think of was, You will! You will be fine! You will find someone like me! I'm really not that important! We went to a movie......shared some chicken wings. You'll be okay." 

But there is one Sarah song that tends to resonate with me every once in a while-

Hold On

Hold on, hold onto yourself, 
for this is gonna hurt like hell

I thought of this song when we lost our kiddos. Hummed it to myself in multiple PICU's.  And it reminded me to brace myself, to armor myself for the hardest times of my life. And it helped....Hold on. Hold onto myself. Hold on...don't dismiss how very much this will hurt. Cause it will hurt....like hell. 

This has been a tough week for our Special Needs community. One Mama lost her Mama to breast cancer. She is the third woman I have known this year to loose her fight to breast cancer. Breast Cancer can suck my big toe. Forgive me but I'm not quite sure how the town can be painted pink every year and so many people still succumb to this disease. 

Hold on, Hold onto yourself

And our Maria has been battling a bad prognosis for Jacob. 

you'll be strong tomorrow and we will see another day
And we will praise it
And love the light that brings a smile across your face

It is hard at these times to remove myself from our situation and to give perspective from a place other than my own 'Planet my Baby Died'.

And all I can say to my friends is to Hold On. Having been there- Hold On. Arm Yourself, Brace Yourself. But know, trust, believe, that you will continue to live this life with candid honesty, love, wisdom and gratitude. 

And in the meantime, this world will seem ridiculously trite and petty. 

I have to trust, to believe (selfishly) that you will all be okay- you parents with difficult decisions, you grieving Mamas and Daddys, you grieving daughters, you grieving sons. Because if you're not, then maybe I'm not. 

And I really do want to be okay. And I want you to be okay to. 

Hold on, Hold onto yourself

And no wonder, no wonder that I don't like sad songs. 

I heard that you're settled down, found a girl and you're married now....

Who the heck cares? I'm trying to hold onto myself.. 

Perhaps my perspective is a bit skewed.