I have never been one to connect with the afterlife.
But when we lost Samantha, there was no doubt in my mind that she had nestled herself in the inner-most workings of my heart.
And that was where she lived.
And I was fine with that.
But tonight, when I was doing laundry for our ski trip, I noticed a red, flickering light from her room.
So I went in and saw one of her bears flickering.....no reason for it....just flickering....
I sat down by this bear and asked him what he wanted.
This was Jack's bear, given to him by his Grandma Lyn. When we found out he would be born still, I found Grandma Lyn in his room with that bear.
"I thought I was okay until I held this bear," she said. And she tugged on his leg and he started playing 'Hush Little Baby'.
Tonight I picked up this bear and randomly it started playing 'Hush Little Baby.'
'Hush Little Baby' was my favorite lullaby's for Samantha. I would make up my own verses.
"Hush little baby, don't say a word, Mama's gonna buy you a she-she-gurd.
And if that she-she-gurd won't screech, Mama wants a house on a Malibu beach.
and if that Malibu beach is too pricey, Mama thinks Cashmere is very nicey...."
And so it went on.....with Lil Miss at un-godly hours.
And so tonight, I embraced Mr. Bear, with his flashy colors and lovely lullaby's. I told him I had seen too many horror movies and if he was a crazy bear trying to connect with me through the demon world, I was hooked.
I also told him he was forever saved from the Goodwill pile.
I often look for signs from her even though she lives eternally in my heart.
Poor Bear, I will now always wait for his little lights and 'Hush Little Baby' song. He had no idea what he was signing up for.