Thursday, December 2, 2010

I Miss the Hospital

I do, I miss Children's Hospital.

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Now how wrong is that???

Days after we lost Samantha, Grandpa Jim came to me with watery eyes.

"Don't be upset with this," he said "but I'll miss the time we spent in the hospital. Not when she was really sick but when we knew she would get out soon....that she was doing better. We all hung out, had dinner, drank smuggled wine and just talked."

Now how could I be upset with this? I knew exactly what he was talking about. "I know, I'll miss that time, that simple down time too."

But I never knew how much.

Our dear friend Jacob was in the hospital this week. I decided his mom, Maria needed smuggled wine and sushi.

I also needed smuggled wine, sushi, and a little Jacob and Maria I invited myself to Children's.

Driving up to the hospital, it had changed from 6 months ago. The holiday lights are up. They are building two new hotels on Colfax and have just started with the new many changes without us.

Because we need none of this.

Not anymore.

And nothing finalizes where we are in life than driving up to the hospital, a place I know so very well, a place that was the apex of our lives and realizing that we do not need this place anymore.

We never will.....not again

But maybe, just maybe, it needs me. Maybe if I can only bring smuggled wine and sushi, it is enough.

On the 9th floor, I watched Maria suction Jacob. Her eyes were as intent as a rocket scientist. She knows her Peanut well. She directed the nurses and finally sat down for a little glass of grape.

And we talked. We talked about Samantha, Jacob, the hospital, relationships, life, death. And I realized that the best thing about being in the hospital, with your kiddo doing okay, is that you can just 'be', and talk.....and so can your visitors. Everyone can slow down, eat a caterpillar roll and know that you all are in the best possible hands.

Is there anything better?

As I left, I stroked Jacob's thick hair, watched his lovely long eyelashes and commented on how he and Samantha look so much alike.

It was almost as if she was there.

She probably was.....telling me not to dismiss this place....this place that saved her life so many times. Maybe it still needs me. Maybe I need this place too.



Deana said...

Of course...It will always hold a special place in your heart.

We missed you Sunday, but hope to see you next week sometime.

getbornmagmomma said...

Wow, H. How profound. I'm moved by your ability to express the dichotomy of life, the nuance of the good, the bad, the grievous, the palpable here and now.Thank you for that gift.

Amanda said...

I bet that hospital misses you and your constant drive to push them to be better. We need to have a drink real soon!

Anonymous said...

Those were very special times. I'm glad Jim was able to say what I was feeling. I miss Samantha and the quiet, steady times we had at the hospital. Love, Cynde

Anonymous said...

Very nice! Thank you.
Barbara Karsch

Anonymous said...

Hi Heather,
It was good to see you at Children's the other night! I am inspired by your strength and I know you give so much to so many. I know you are such a good friend to Maria. You are in my thoughts this holiday season. Very kindly, Karen Winner

ferfischer said...

I think it needs you too - the "alumni" so to speak. Much love!