Sunday, October 31, 2010

A Safe Place

Today my friend Laura invited me to her Unitarian Church service.

Today is their Annual Day of Remembrance. It is about remembering those who are no longer with us.

It was beautiful.....I cried and cried but I wasn't sad. I am always very relieved when I find myself at a place where I can let myself go and have a good cry. I love a safe place. I embrace a good cry; a chance to let my guard down.

Ironically, I now embrace a good conversation about the mortality in life. We can't escape death. It is something that effects every family. It is something that has touched all of us. It is something that cannot be ignored.

But death in itself was not the purpose of today's service. Today's service was how we need to embrace each other during this process. That we are all together as a community and our job as a community it to celebrate our short, lovely, joyous, life we have with each other.

And that the only way we can get through the sadness is together.

And this made me cry again. Because if one thing has held true in losing Samantha is that we have and continue to, get through this together.....all of us.

At the end, we were invited to go up to the altar and place a memento of our loved one. I brought Samantha's pink shoes that ride with me in car. I got up to the front with her cute, pink, patent leather Mary Janes and said, "for my daughter."

And proceeded to ugly cry to my seat. The ugly cry has become a good friend.

I went to sit down but the man in front of me turned around, embraced my hand with tears in his eyes and hugged me.

I hugged him back.

Because you have to get through this together.


Elizabeth said...

Oh, Heather.

Deana said...

It reminds me of the reading at Samantha's service, where the mother goes from house to house, looking for someone who hasn't experienced loss to bring her child back, but finds that they each have lost someone they loved.

I'm thankful to be going through life with you.

HeatherS said...

Deana, ironically they read that same story today :) Thankful to be going through life with you too.

Lowrie said...

I think you'd be amazed by the number of people who are thankful to be going through life with you.

God Bless YOU! xoxox

Maria Hopfgarten said...

I am so happy you went with Laura to the service. It sounds like the right place to be. You will always be surrounded by love and support, since that is how you live your life yourself.

Miss you, Maria.

Lisa said...

I was very moved by this post. I appreciate your description of "the ugly cry". As you say, it is term that is familiar to all of us and yet I have not heard it described like this before. Thank you. I am thankful too.

breemunger said...

Sitting at my desk, with tears in my eyes. Church for me is a safe place as well, can't seem to keep the tears from falling when I am there.

ferfischer said...

Oh the ugly cry - it is a very good friend. It is the window to the soul, I think. It sounds like a great place, this church.

MJ Morgan, Writer said...

Ah yes ... the ugly cry ... is so much more healing when another human touch accompanies it.

Each time I grieve, I am astounded by the generosity and sheer good will others impart ... when I let them. So glad you are open to that!


Anonymous said...

Hablas espaƱol??
I love Samantha!!

Amanda said...

I am glad Miss Sammer got her shoes, it has been a bit brisk. I love your friend Laura and love, love the ugly cry too. I reflect on our conversations of snot and such for a good laugh when I find myself in this situation a bit longer than necessary...thanks for being you, sugar! Happy travels.

Woodswoman d'Italia said...

So glad the Unitarian service was a good one for you, for Sam's shoes, and that you got a hug with your ugly cry. I envy that ability to cry, though I feel so sad for the death of your darling girl.

She still give you great strength, I can tell by your blog posts. Hope to see you sometime . . .