I knew this day would come. I was pretty sure I would out-live my daughter given her bleak prognosis and I was terrified as to how I would react.
Would I be able to get out of bed?
Would I be able to brush my teeth?
Hold a conversation without sobbing?
Would I hate the world?
Would I hate God?
Would I hate myself?
Would I hate my life?
We are one week into a very long, life changing, sad process and I don't know how I'll be tomorrow, or in the next hour, or family holidays. I know times will be hard and times will be sad.
And unfortunately, I found My Grief in the living room this morning; he had tracked his dirty footprints throughout the house and pee'd on the couch. He followed me around, drank my last bit of coffee and stole the Sunday comics.
BUT I have found that I am able to get out of bed and brush my teeth.
This morning Hubby and I laid in bed and talked about the beautiful memorial service, the wonderful people who came to honor Samantha and the glory of the day.
We even laughed.
And it is because of the beautiful village that gathered for us and our Lil' Miss....the wonderful service.....the great music, my hubby's story, an amazing video, beautiful flowers, the power of a cell phone call, and the glory of all of you....300+ people who gathered to celebrate my child's short life. And the sweet, sweet thoughts of those who could not make it.
The picnic was amazing....so many people, so much laughter, a run through the splash park getting soaked in our Sunday Best and the grand finale....a short visit by the police........
Just to make things exciting.
I am still breathing. I am still walking. And because of you all, I am still smiling and laughing.
She is always on our minds and we miss her, but you all have cradled us in your spirit, carried us along, loved us and shared in your own tears and your own joy for our daughter.
I could not do this without you. Thank you for being there for me and my family.