"You have a block," My acupuncturist said.
"Of course I do. Don't touch it. That dam was made with blood, sweat and tears. Please don't unblock me. God only knows what will happen if we unclog four years of emotional schmegma. I could be rendered useless for the next 100 years."
Seriously, useless......100 years.
But sometimes my emotional dam breaks. It's necessary but I have to tell you, it ain't pretty. It usually involves a copious amount of carefully selected curse words; words reserved just for hubby, a venti coffee or large glass of wine (depending on the time of day, I do have my limits, sometimes) and a self-imposed time-out.
Time-outs at the hospital are hard, walls are thin. Nurses give you the sad, worried look. There is no place to go, scream, cry, sweat-it-out. I keep pushing for a workout room.....with sound proof walls and several very large punching bags.
Today, after seizures, a lipase number of 5,000 (meaning she's back on I.V. fluids only) AND a low grade fever, I shuffled my emotionally unstable hiney out of the hospital and into Malibu, where I promptly lost it.
I listened to Pink, as loud as she could go, ordered the biggest Starbucks I could find and drove.
Did you ever see 101 Dalmations? Remember Cruella Deville? I think I looked a bit like her, hair askew, red eyes, knobby knees, just a tad crazy.....
I finally found myself on I-70, hanging at the Conoco in Dumont. You can get a decent coffee there for a nickel.
A nickel I tell you.
Perhaps it was the 40 ounces of coffee I drank, or just maybe, maybe because Lil Miss is having a tough month.......
But the dam broke. I unblocked.....spewed my emotional vomit right next to the big Sams Club Semi. Semi's are a good place to loose it because the engines are really loud. No one can hear the expletives.
I now flow a little easier and feel much better....about 400 pounds lighter.
How do you loose it? Self-imposed time-out? Let me know, I need some hospital reading :)