It's something I deal with on a daily basis...being the mom of Lil' Miss. It's a feeling that has many facets. An emotion I bring out every once in a while. An emotion so powerful it can literally consume you...an emotion that is divided into other emotions because it is so complex....
......it seems to be in the water lately.
The on-line mitochondrial community has lost a couple kiddos in the last month. My local special needs community has lost two children. I attended a ladies' night based on grief and today my blogging community is dealing with loss and sickness.
In the words of Charlie Brown....good grief....
There seems to be a lot of questioning the universe. Why us? Why not us? Why her? Why him?
Our lives are based on what is reasonable and common sense;
Truth is apt to be neither.
You can't handle the truth! Jack Nicholson
We can’t handle the truth, can we? Because if we dealt with the nastiness in life every minute of every day we would wear our grief like a shroud. I have encountered these shrouded grievers and it's not a fun way to live. Grief in copious amounts tends to ooze; like a nasty septic wound..…draining life from us.
We still have to laugh, we still have to play, we still have to live….life carries on…
Books on grief crack me up. It’s such a personal, intimate experience…grieving. We all have our own timeline based on our own relationships and our own personality. There is no guideline, there is no standard.
My personal Grief is a little Imp that shows up from time to time. I’ll be in my car, driving along listening to music and I’ll catch Grief in the corner of my eye.
“Aww crap, what are you doing here?”
“It’s been a while. I thought I would stop in for a visit.”
“Well, make sure you fasten your seatbelt and be quiet. Samantha’s sleeping and I don’t want you to wake her up.”
“Can I change the station?”
“Can I play with the window?”
“No, you can just come along for the ride.”
Sometimes Grief shows up at a party…..drinks my wine, eats my last bite of fudgy dessert. It’s an annoyance really but since Grief is not a constant life guest, I have learned to tolerate the time we spend together. Sometimes we even enjoy an introspective moment of two.
After Grief has left, I always seem to enjoy the flowers a little more, the sunset and of course the time I spend with Samantha.
Grief will visit, it’s part of raising Samantha, it’s part of losing Jack. It’s part of vision I had for my life that will not come to fruition. But Grief knows he is not allowed to stay.
We can’t have a permanent impy, uninvited, grieveous house guest...we don't have the room...not in our lives, not in my heart...life is too short and dispite the bad things that can happen....life is too sweet.