We checked back into Children's on Thursday. Samantha had been on antibiotics for an ear infection. She wasn't getting any better; perhaps a little worse. It was time, once again, to camp out on the 8th floor.
I called my parents and they expressed how sorry they were that we were back in.
"It's okay," I said, "we'll get some answers and we'll get her healed up." I sounded slightly nonchalant and a bit blase' about being back in. Have I gotten to used to this? Am I giving up? Just accepting that this is part of our life?
I don't feel blase'. As I strapped on my big-girl undies, I felt like I was doing what was best for Samantha. Everytime we are back in, we move forward on the radar. We get more answers about tests, we push a little further.
Don't get me wrong. I hate being in the hospital. But I think one of our greatest accomplishments as a family is that we have figured out how to be in the hospital. Our life does not stop.
This weekend I went for two 25 mile bike rides. I reserved a sleep room and got eight hours of sleep while Bart took the night shift. Bart went for a run and had a beer with my dad. We got out, we laughed...we had a decent weekend.
Samantha was exercised as she felt better. She was read to and cuddled for hours by her daddy.
Perhaps this works because we have to make it work. As I was riding today, I felt the warm wind in my face, the sweet scent of fresh mowed grass and marveled at how comfortable I'm feeling on my bike. I felt soulful, peaceful and strong. This is our life after all and we have to keep on living.
Speaking of life and growth....Samantha is growing MRSA in her ears and bladder. Infectious Disease has ordered more tests to determine how well her white cells are working since she gets infected so often. Hopefully, this will give us some answers.
She is comfortable right now and looking a little snarky. I think she's feeling better :) We're hoping to go home tomorrow. She knows she is adored, not only by us but by all of you who keep sending good thoughts and prayers.
Thank you :)